it's been a long time since i happily rolled out of bed and onto my mat. i admit it. i look at my mat, and think "do i have to?" then my back, shoulders, and hamstrings tell me "yes! you have to!" so i do. amazing that once the mat is actually rolled out and i start to move my body how instantly happy i feel. every time.
my standing backbend is not like this. maybe some day it will. maybe it will never be so. either way, i LOVE back bends. which is why i was oh so glad when Gwen "prescribed" lots of backbends for me in order to open my heart every day. this morning i needed it. discouragement bombarded me last night as i began the search for a job. ugh. the list is grim--in so many ways. i have a feeling i'll be doing lots of backbends in the next few weeks and months as i try to make my way in this capitalist world.
photo by me. april 2009.
This morning's mantra:it means: om-the jewel in the lotus-hum
"It calls on the bodhisattva Avalokiteshwara, whose name means "the cosmic being of pure consciousness who looks down in loving compassion on the world." He exists within each of us in our potential to feel heart-melting compassion for ourselves and all other living beings." - Christopher D. Wallis
have a compassionate weekend.
image via yoga journal
I'm feeling like I ended my yoga practice a little too soon this morning...I can't quite figure it out. So I'm making it a goal today to truly practice yoga in the rest of my day's activities...even as I type I am finding the meditation in that...I will find a connection with the water in my shower to the water that flows through me. I will find breath and movement united as I ride my bike to meet my husband for a picnic. I am extending my yoga practice more deliberately today into ALL that I do. You might like to try it too!
photo by me. 3.15.09
This morning's classes were awe-some. We did a very yin, restorative class. To an observer, it would have looked like we weren't doing much of anything at all. But we went deep. We tapped in to what we were really feeling...and we let it go. We went deep. There were tears of relief, and bright eyes filled with hope. You never know how much you feel until you take time to listen and to be still. Read more about it here.
I am oh so grateful to be able to be teaching yoga right now. It truly is a gift. It's also nice to teach in my own home. Sometimes I wonder if I'd like teaching at a studio...I guess it would depend on what was "expected" of me. There are some wonderful women who come to my classes. They are so open to learning and trying new things. I wish I knew more people in Sacramento so that I could do something similar when I move back in May. I love charging only $3. And I love teaching in such an intimate and safe setting. I am oh so blessed.
Starting Monday January 26, 2009 I will be teaching yoga for $3 per person per class. Below are the details.
I've been thinking this morning of a conversation I had a couple weeks ago with a dear friend and fellow yoga instructor. We discussed our feelings about not being able to find a yoga studio that really quenches our thirst for learning and progressing (among other things). I am hoping that things open up, and that I am able to find a place to teach and to learn as well. Until then, I'll just keep doing teacher trainings year after year, and workshops month after month. I truly enjoy the journey of learning.
I find that I am most present in my practice when I am in a difficult pose, or when I am asked to stay in a pose for a long period of time...which made me think: Often in life, I am most present when things are difficult or uncomfortable. I am not concerned with what is going to happen. I am concerned with my broken heart, my confused brain, etc. Why is it that when things are going so-so in life that we tend to get distracted, and lose focus? Interesting. I am oh so grateful for difficult and uncomfortable moments.
Today I only practiced for 70 minutes. But it was deep, and nourishing. It got me thinking...how can I use yoga to heal the entire earth, and those who live upon it? It seems like there are too many choices...which way do I go? I will let that go unanswered, and go about my day-to-day living. I am grateful for my yoga practice, though it has oh so long to go (and I'm grateful for that too).
This morning I did not do my asana practice...I slept in after a restless night. I've let go of all expectations in my life. We'll see where this leads.
Lately I've been so very much into a slow, meditative, and loosening practice that I've lost a bit of strength in my arms and back. So this morning I came up with a flow that brings attention to upper body strength and bhandas as well as continuing to loosen me up. I was quite pleased with this new sequence. Hopefully I can remember it!Jivamukti Yoga, "practices for liberating body and soul." I would love to practice jivamukti yoga, and teach it. I love how it focuses on study & understanding of the history, etc of yoga as well as promoting a deep asana practice. Too bad there's no studios anywhere near me. They have studios in NYC, Toronto, Munich, London, and Charleston. I hope to do a teacher training through them one day. For now, I'll read the book, and do as much on my own as possible.
Tomorrow, Friday, I will be driving with my husband to Salt Lake City to attend a fundraiser we helped put together to help SUWA fight legal battles against the BLM who is auctioning off land to big oil business.
This morning I realized I was grateful for my inflexibility in some poses. There are some poses that come naturally to me, others that don't. I am grateful that I don't just fall easily into every posture...where would be the journey in that? I was grateful to be tight this morning while working in Hanumanasana...it felt good to sit and breathe, and to feel the muscles softening over a few minutes time...until I finally got it. I loved that little journey!
This morning I woke up late (8:00 AM) because of a restless night. I took my time getting up, crossed everything off my to-do list, then started my yoga practice. Usually I put a time limit on my practice, but today I decided I would practice until I felt full. And, oh how full my soul is! When I entered into my pranayama practice near the end I felt very strongly that I am not the same person I was yesterday...that everyday I am a new person, free to be great, beautiful, and compassionate. Now, everyday I will look forward to the new person I am--able to make this a beautiful world.
Since my last post, my practice has been so very distracted. I have been so concerned with the future. My practiced has showed this. I have often lost track of where I was in a sun salutation, and my practice was shortened to one hour instead of 2.5 because I couldn't wait to get to my "to-do" list for the day. I filled my life with too many good things...to the point to where things weren't happening as slowly and deliberately as I'd like. So today I start anew...crossing things off of my "to-do" list without even attempting them...the only thing on my list now is to "simplify." Hope to be blogging here daily again.
I've been reading through this little book for the past few days. I'm hoping to get some insight on how to break some of my not-so-great habits in life. There are some passages that are more clear than others, but I look forward to the journey this presents. Here's little taste:
Today I needed a new beginning, a clean slate. So I spent an hour and a half slowly going through the ritual of suryanamaskar A--with some little variations as my body instructed. I took long, deliberate breaths, and closed my eyes. I loved raising my arms to the skies in gratitude, and bowing to the earth with awe. I am seeking a new way to approach the things I am oh so passionate about. This morning was refreshing. Now, if only I could have an entire week of ritual.
Lately I have been trying something new in my yoga practice: left side first. It sounds simple, but it really changes the whole feeling. It seems more introspective for sure. Try it out in your own flow. See what happens.
Yoga is becoming more and more something I love to do either alone or in small, intimate groups. I feel more freedom to invite reverence, sacredness, and joy. I'm really enjoying practicing at home by myself, with my husband, or with a friend.
This morning it was raining. I opened the window and did my morning practice as I listened to that beautiful sound. I wish I had that accompaniment more often. Love rain.
It seems to be more about transistions these days for me, rather than the poses themselves. The dance between each posture is fascinating to me. It is in the transitions that we find grace and our fullest potential. I love the movement and the fluidity of the spaces between. I'd love a class that focused more on the transitions than the poses. Some day, yes?
I am giving up yoga classes that break me down to exhaustion. I found in my yoga practice this morning that I am stronger and more present when I can have a practice focused on endurance rather than complete fatigue. I can hold poses longer, and balance like I've never balanced. It really is all about slowing down, the breath, and the bandhas.
"We need to learn to make rest a part of our practice, and we need to take that rest long before we feel exhausted or frustrated." -Rolf Gates
Bandhas. My practice as of late has neglected the bandhas for the most part. There is some attention given to uddiyana, but not enough. I need to bring back my bandha practice. When I really use them it is only then that I've been able to float into challenging balances. I really feel that no matter how much muscle I build I won't be able to have a graceful yoga practice without the bandhas.
This morning after my practice I spoke briefly with a dear friend about the beauties of practicing on one's own. I mentioned that I often like to practice at home with classical music in the background...especially the music of Estonian compser, Arvo Part. My favorite album is Tabula Rasa with Gil Shaham on the violin. It's intense. But what I love most are the points of hesitation, the brief moments of silence before the storm. Whenever I compliment my practice with Arvo Part I am bound to have some sort of profound insight into my practice, my heart, the earth, and the universe. Try it.
I love that part of the Ashtanga tradition is the belief that ancient holy men "invented" the yoga flow to strengthen them and open them up so that they could sit comfortably and with ease as they meditated. I love doing Ashtanga in the morning and ending with an extra long period of meditation and pranayama. There's nothing like it.
After three months of going to a studio just about everyday, I am finding that I am longing for my own practice again. I need the freedom to explore and to ask questions in my own practice. So I will be cancelling my studio membership for the time being (and saving some $$ while I'm at it!)
If you haven't heard via my other blog, I've got myself a job teaching yoga. It really is a miracle. Amazing how moments of light immediately follow moments of doubt. I will start teaching a couple time a week, and then as more people start coming I will be able to teach full time. It's at a health & wellness spa, and they're just beginning to bring yoga into the scheme of things. I'm excited about this job because it will allow me to teach in a way that is intuitive and personal. It will allow me to continue to learn and grow as I teach. Blessed be.
Last night I did my own yoga practice at home. It's been too long since I've done this. I've been going everyday to a studio. After last night, I think I will do more personal practicing at home...there is nothing that compares to solitary exploration.
I just got news that Syl will doing an encore Thai Yoga workshop in September! I was so bummed to miss it this month because I was already signed up for the one I am currently in. I'm hoping that the stars will align and I will be able to attend. This would be a fantastic learning experience!
Yesterday was a holy, faith-renewing day for Hindus. The day is Guru Purnima. It is the day that you honor your guru(s)...your teachers. It can be anyone who you have learned greath things from: a mother, a friend, a teacher, etc. It is also a day to honor the lineage of great teachers all the way back to the ancients and those who took time to pass on tradition. I was introduced to this day by a wonderful yoga teacher, Gangotri. She led us through some chanting and kirtan. When she sang it was so other-worldly. Truly, sound is the quickest way to the divine.
I can't go anywhere without hearing about Eckhart Tolle and his fix-everything books. I've been hearing about him for over a year now, but the past few months it seems everyone is talking about him at all times. I hesitantly bought The Power of Now book last week and have read the first fifty pages. It's good. Why the hesitancy? It feels too much like a fad. Yes, I'm being way too judgemental here. What I've read so far is good. He words some things very nicely and with clarity. I guess I am uncomfortable with the unquestioning attitude that everyone seems to have. It is a bit irksome that if Tolle says it, it is truth. I think that a lot of what he says is truth...at least it feels that way to me. But there are some things that don't sit as well. How come no one else is questioning? I know a lot of you have read his stuff...what do you think about him? What do you think about my thoughts on him?
